gentle-narcissism:

I have this friend who snapchats me when he’s high and I just

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

dutchster:

i accidentally spilled monster energy drink in my fish bowl and now my goldfish won’t stop saying “bro” and keeps flexing its fins

carnevore:

"Your paper must be more than one page long!"

carnevore:

"Your paper must be more than one page long!"

(Source: nosdrinker)

banji-realness:

Relationship goals

penis-hilton:

hugcartel:

why is the mom telling her daughter she’s ready to shave?

why is the mom calling her daughter mom

penis-hilton:

hugcartel:

why is the mom telling her daughter she’s ready to shave?

why is the mom calling her daughter mom

(Source: aphrodisy)

darkesthorizons:

neptuneisforlovers:

ITS NOT SEWING SUPPLIES!

My question is how does every single person identify with this, is it like a secret rule to use those for sewing supplies?

darkesthorizons:

neptuneisforlovers:

ITS NOT SEWING SUPPLIES!

My question is how does every single person identify with this, is it like a secret rule to use those for sewing supplies?

(Source: ofela)